A super-simple way to build community and encourage tech-free play

An antidote for the screen-based childhood

A great joy of starting this passion project has been receiving encouragement from family and friends — the ones who say, yes, of course and this is so needed and why not you?! We all need people like that when we’re putting our heart out into the world, week after week. We also need them when we’re trying to push back against the tidal wave of devices and isolation. Today’s newsletter happens to sit at the intersection of these two needs.

Jackie, a friend since high school, has been a stalwart cheerleader of mine since she wept at my senior thesis poetry reading in college (true story). She’s one of the beloved, self-appointed friends who serves as an informal incubator for The Connected Family, trying out ideas I share and periodically reporting back on the digital mood in her community.

When she told me about her newest idea for encouraging community, free play, independence, and low-screen living in her suburban neighborhood, I knew I wanted to share it here. I hope it encourages even more TCF-inspired outposts around the country as the weather warms up this spring! :)

Take it away, Jackie!

Why the cul-de-sac hang:

Our New York suburb has a lot of beautiful farm land with houses mostly spread out, but we’re fortunate to live in one of the few tight-knit neighborhoods with two cul-de-sacs and houses a bit closer together. Our neighborhood has a great community, with a much-anticipated annual block party, a neighborhood email list, and lots of kids who delight in getting on the bus together.

Even with all those factors, I found myself having a similar conversation with several parents last year — that we wish our kids were playing outside together more often. While the houses are not too far apart, many are set back from the road, so we can’t always tell when other kids are playing in their back yards. While our neighbors with grown children speak wistfully of the days when kids would just run outside and play, we elder Millennials often fall prey to the twin challenges of overscheduling and overprotecting. But if organic play wasn’t happening as much as we wanted, could we add just a little bit of structure to bring kids together?

How the cul-de-sac hang was organized:

One night, I somewhat tentatively hit send on the email below to our neighborhood email list. By mid-morning I was floored to have already heard back from 17 families who wanted to participate. Even more unexpected, many of our neighbors without young kids wrote to say how much they loved the idea. Here’s what I sent:

Hi friends,

After chatting with many of you about wanting to encourage our kids to play outside in the neighborhood, seeing how nicely all the kids played during the block party and inspired by this concept, I wanted to share an idea. What about having a set time each week for the kids to play in the cul-de-sac?

It could be totally unstructured, all ages, and no one has to host — just a regular meet up time for the kids. They can bring balls, scooters, chalk and just hang out. I’d be happy for it to be in the cul-de-sac near our house, and if the kids are eventually comfortable playing by themselves, they can run down my driveway if they need anything.

I wanted to include all the neighbors on this chain, even those without young kids, so you won’t be surprised if you see a gaggle of kids and maybe even to keep an eye out for them as they learn how to navigate the neighborhood without parents :)

If you like this idea, please fill out this 1-minute survey [screenshot below] to select the day that works best for your family OR to opt for more impromptu play times. We’ll never all be here at once, but we can pick the day that works for the majority, and anyone can show up when they’re around.

Thanks & love,

Jackie

After gathering the names and phone numbers from the survey, I added everyone to a WhatsApp group, which one neighbor recommended over a text chain because of the number of people and mix of iPhone/Androids. We decided to try for a weekly meet up — Wednesdays at 4pm — but also agreed to use the group to organize impromptu play at other times.

Each Wednesday I simply message the group: “Hi, beautiful day, we’ll be outside around 4!” I grab a simple snack to share, like a Costco bag of granola bites, and some outdoor toys. I’ve kept this really simple: a whiffle ball and bat, soccer ball, sidewalk chalk, stomp rocket. It’s nice to have a few things to get the kids started, but I think less is more. For example, the most popular activity is a big soccer game, but we don’t need to bring goals — the kids use their imagination and make up their own goals.

What’s going well:

• Pretty much everything! We have about 20 families in the WhatsApp group and between 5-10 kids show up on any given day, ranging from age 1.5 through 12.

• In The Anxious Generation, Jonathan Haidt champions mixed-age play, and it has been so rewarding to see how well it works in our group. A shy fourth grader and my eager kindergartener have become unexpected soccer buddies — the former happy to practice his soccer skills and the latter thrilled to be playing with a big kid. When the sixth grade girls grace us with their presence and come down to kick the ball around in their Ugg slippers, the younger girls flock to them. When the soccer ball gets kicked into the overgrown forsythia, as it inevitably does, kids of all ages work together to get it out.

• At the end of the school day, I feel my kids have hit a wall and are too tired to participate in really structured activities, but also need a lot of movement and play. I’ve found this Wednesday routine to be the perfect in-between: not an overly structured after school activity, but enough motivation to get them outside and playing.

• Playing in a common area makes it very easy so no one feels compelled to host, and it reduces the chance of kids asking to watch TV or play on the computer —as often happens during play dates.

• The WhatsApp group has been great to use for other neighborhood communication, such as hanging out on days off from school and making Halloween plans.

What we’re working out:

• I intentionally kept the survey very simple — I run programs for my day job and didn’t want to feel I was signing on to manage a very structured play group. But in retrospect it would have made it easier to match names and cell phone numbers if I had a field for parents’ names!

• I originally had a vision of sending the kids out and staying inside to make dinner, but in reality most parents and caregivers have stayed in the cul-de-sac, which seems to make sense given the ages of our kids. My driveway is very long, so I can’t see the group well from my house. The grownups end up huddled in one area chatting, and we try to mostly stay out of what the kids are doing. While I’d be more productive inside, I’ve really enjoyed having this time to chat with neighbors. I also think we’re preparing the neighborhood kids to be comfortable playing on their own and I can see it evolving that way as kids get older.

• To solve my dinner dilemma, on Wednesdays I make something in the crock pot or pop in an easy sheet pan dinner on our way outside so that we’re mostly ready to eat when we come back in.

How to apply this to your community:

I suspect this simple concept could apply to most communities. If you don’t have a common play space, consider rotating back yards. If you don’t have a neighborhood email list, you could try putting a simple flyer in mailboxes. Don’t worry about lack of interest — my experience is that parents and kids alike are really eager for this type of play!

---

My thanks to Jackie for sharing with us on TCF today, and for all the ways she and her family have made my life sweeter over the years! Love you, friend! ❤️

I’d love to hear: would you try this? Do you already have something like this set up in your neighborhood? Add ideas in the comments!

And a few other past newsletters centered on community…
One way to give your kids more free play
The baby shower I want to host every month
21 views of the village
The email I sent to fellow third grade parents

---

Will you consider hearting this email? ❤️

Clicking the little heart icon at the bottom or leaving a comment helps these posts to reach more people (and also makes my day!). If you liked what you read, would you consider clicking the heart or leaving a comment? Thank you so much in advance!