How to encourage intergenerational connection

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I’ve been thinking a lot about intergenerational connection and how to encourage it, especially in light of holiday gatherings fast approaching. We’ll be with my family for Thanksgiving and John’s family for Christmas, and at both, we’ll span three generations. I’m guessing many of you will have a similar spread!

Perhaps because I grew up knowing a lot of extended family (a sprawling mass of second, third, fourth cousins as well as great aunts and uncles, all of whom we saw regularly) meaningful connections across generations have long seemed like a priority to me. I knew they were a priority to my parents, by the words they said and the way we spent our time, and I suppose I received it as an inheritance. My childhood church, too, was a place where I developed real bonds with people much older than me (baking apple pies with a woman my grandmother’s age, teaching Sunday school alongside a man who could have been my grandfather). Even as a teenager this felt comforting and important.

I was gratified to see Jonathan Haidt reflect this in The Anxious Generation, where he cited research that kids grounded in intergenerational communities are protected from the worst effects of social media and the digital life:

“Those who made the move most fully into the online world found that their sense of self, community, and meaning-in-life collapsed. Those who were more firmly rooted in mixed-age real-world communities of family, neighborhood, and religion had some protection from this transformation.”

But how to do it, particularly when we’re in person together? Despite the best intentions, these ripe opportunities can sometimes crumble into old patterns, frustration, misunderstandings, or even perceived indifference. That’s certainly happened in my family.

But we’ve also had some really wonderful successes! I’d love to share a few of the strategies that have worked over the years, encouraging beyond surface-level conversation, meaningful connections, deeper relationships, and genuine fun. I can’t wait to hear your ideas, too.