Our year in family traditions

Joy, gratitude, and service > performance and perfection

A few weeks ago, I hung the floral birthday banner we bought for my daughter’s first birthday, this time for her tenth. I tied a helium “one” and “zero” to her chair. I carefully wrapped her gifts and placed them just-so on the table along with her cards, ready to greet her in the morning but not to be opened until after dinner. I made a favorite recipe for dinner and a beloved dessert on which to perch candles — both of her choosing. John and I labored over cards sharing what we see in her and what we hope for her in the year ahead.

We’ll do it all again in July two times over, when Annie and Shep turn another year older. And in between and beyond, we’ll celebrate other traditions as a family — rituals that remind us who we are and what we value; rituals that elevate the ordinary and remind us that life is a thing to be celebrated; rituals that tell us we belong, and belong to each other. As Sally Clarkson writes, “It is the giving rhythms of home that provide the right atmosphere for passing on essential heart attitudes and warm relationships in life.”

As you consider your own year ahead, dreaming up ways to pull the strings of connection more snug, I thought it might be helpful to share a glimpse at a year of our family traditions. I hope, however, that what you see here does not look like a finished, perfected list. To me, in fact, it looks distinctly like a list in transition, moving as we are from the little years to the middle childhood years. Though I imagine some of these traditions will stay with us for a lifetime, I know others will shift as our children grow — and take on some of the magic-making mantle themselves. It’s already happening.

So yes, take inspiration from our calendar if it’s helpful — but make it your own, keyed to your family’s unique nature and season. Sally again: “The more distinct a family creates cultural ties to one another, the stronger the foundations of confidence, belonging, and heritage.” So be weird! Embrace your boisterous, fun-loving nature or your quiet, reserved one! Celebrate your love of books or monster trucks or rock climbing or competition. Craft traditions that fold around the toddler or teenage years, not grate against them. Make the most of your school and work schedule instead of wishing they were other. Lean into your love of acts of service or words of affirmation. Celebrate and impart what matters to you, even if — or maybe especially if — it wouldn’t make sense to anyone else.

Below, a selective walk through a year in our family’s traditions. I can’t wait to hear yours in the comments.