10 things to do when you're bored instead of reaching for your phone

Waiting is not a problem to be solved.

There are so many tiny, quiet windows in parenthood: nursing a baby, standing back as they explore a room on all fours, keeping a watchful eye on front-yard play, kneeling beside a bathtub, sitting with a feverish child. Later, it’s waiting in the front seat for dance class to finish, waiting in the lobby at an appointment, waiting for their game to start, waiting for their name to be called, waiting, waiting, waiting.

These moments seem inconsequential, nothing much really, but over a childhood, they quietly stack up to hours and hours of our time — our lives.

And more often than not, we fill them with our phones — and more specifically, with social media.

What we want is a moment of quiet, a moment of rest, a moment of escape. We want something that makes us feel good, that makes us laugh, that makes us feel connected. What we get is sun-drenched photos reminding us that our summers with our kids are fleeting, and to make the most of them. A mom and daughter dancing, text overlaid explaining why it’s so much better to homeschool in middle school. A carousel of family photos from an Italy vacation, four children smiling at the camera, hazy golden light behind.

There is good — there is beautiful writing, there are genius ideas, talented makers, inspiring homes. There are thoughtful leaders who remind us of what is true or help us see something in a new way. There are our friends, near and far away, and the tiny, magical details of their ordinary days.

But there is also a lot of noise, and worse than noise. Instead of feeling restored, we feel depleted. Less-than instead of inspired. Outraged, disgusted, or disturbed instead of connected and light. We slip into a digital fog, where time passes without anything worth remembering. (And is there anything scarier for the parent who already feels her kids are growing too quickly?) Our days, filled in this way, feel both empty and overfull.

And when we’re pulled back into the real world, by our child skipping toward the car or siblings rushing downstairs in the heat of a fight, we feel scattered. Frustrated. Interrupted, and grumpy about it.

As these moments add up, they chip away at our joy in parenting.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

These in-between moments can be reclaimed. As Christine Rosen writes, “Reclaiming our idle time and reorienting it away from screens is one of many small yet radical acts that have the potential to improve the quality of our daily experiences.” Our mindless scrolling can be replaced with mindful choices — things that add texture and depth to our days, things that make us feel engaged and awake to our lives. Instead of blocking our joy, they can help restore us to the present, calm, and connected parent (person!) we want to be.

There will always be messages to return, appointments to book, orders to check. These idle moments can — and sometimes must — be put to use in practical ways. But when you’re able, consider filling them in one of these ten screen-free ways instead, no prep required.¹

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1. Recite good words.

I was an English major in college, and one of my favorite courses was Chaucer. (Yes, really.) We read The Canterbury Tales in Middle English, and an important component of our grade was memorizing and then reciting the first 18 lines of the Prologue — with correct pronunciation and intonation — in front of our professor. We prepared by reciting it aloud as a class every time we met before we dove into our discussion for the day.

Why memorize an ancient piece of literature in a dead language with almost zero practical application? 15 or so years later, I clearly remember Professor Drout explaining that it is good to have stored up a trove of words in your mind because, if you have, you’ll never be bored. (My tenth grade English teacher, Mr. Gabordi, told us the same as he recited poem after poem from memory to begin our time together each day, our desks gathered in a horseshoe.)

I still have those 18 lines of Middle English memorized. I trot them out as a party trick whenever I need to boost my nerd cred, but more often I’ve recited them to myself, bringing delight to no one but myself in countless idle moments.

2. Memorize good words.

If we’re going to embellish our minds with the wallpaper of good words, we need to spend time memorizing those words! An in-between moment is an excellent opportunity to work on your latest project. Of course, you can save the text to your phone for reference but, inspired by this newsletter, I just added a tiny notebook to my bag where I can keep them instead. (Added bonus: you can refer to this collection over time to be reminded of what you’ve memorized in the past.)

The two items in my notebook so far? As a family, we’re working on Psalm 100, and for myself, the 271 words of the Gettysburg Address.

3. Look forward with anticipation.

Whether you’re looking ahead to the moments directly following your pause or to an event farther in the future, casting your mind forward to what’s next can help you arrive prepared and increase the pleasure you find in it.

If waiting for a friend at a restaurant or in the carline at school, you might imagine how your loved one’s day has unfolded so far, review what’s preoccupying them so you can follow-up on it, or gather a few questions to spur conversation. Or, if you have a vacation, event, or gathering coming up, you might imagine the beautiful sights you’ll see, reflect on the people you’ll be with, or look forward to the sensory feast you’ll enjoy. After all, studies have suggested that anticipating a trip can make you happier than the trip itself.

4. Think back on a memory.

Your wedding day? The days your children were born? A milestone birthday? A particularly golden afternoon at the park with your family last week? Whatever it is, bring yourself back there. Walk through each moment, recalling details, remembering how you felt, and expressing gratitude for the richness of your full, loved life. As in a pencil sketch, tracing over the lines of a memory has a way of deepening and affixing it, securely anchoring these moments we hold dear.

5. Walk a beloved path.

In just a few moments, I can transport myself to my favorite place on Earth: the island in Maine where I’ve spent time almost every summer of my life. I can step onto the weathered, swaying dock — feeling the crisp air and the bright sun, spelling the brine, scanning for the approaching ferry. I can step off on the other side, loose gravel under my feet as I climb the first hill. I can circumnavigate its two miles, swinging my head left to right and taking in each cottage, following each branching path, feeling the cool of each mossy patch of shade.

For you, maybe it’s a childhood home. The halls of your high school. Your special vacation spot. Lift yourself out of the mundane and bring yourself back there, even if just in your mind.

6. Complete an Examen.

“[Technology] teaches us to value efficiency above all and to be suspicious of idle time, when we should see idle moments as opportunities for reflection and renewal,” says Christine Rosen. Especially toward evening, a ripe opportunity for reflection is to complete an Examen. This ancient Christian practice asks you to rove over the details of your day and consider when you matched up to the person you hoped to be… and where and how you may have fallen short.² By thoughtfully considering the highs and lows of our days, we can make better decisions in the future, recalibrate our emotions, rest in gratitude, and extend grace to ourselves.

7. Draft some writing.

Maybe this is unique to my occupation, but I am always drafting something: a product for work, a newsletter for TCF, a post for Em for Marvelous. Even after all these years as a writer, the blank page can be intimidating; coming to it having already thought through structure, solidified my ideas, and dreamt up a line (or two or four) can take some of the sting out of the pulsing cursor.

Maybe for you it’s an email to your child’s teacher, a toast for your sister’s wedding, or a birthday card for your husband. With your hands open and mind at rest, think through what you hope to say. I guarantee you’ll come away with something good, no matter how stuck you feel at the start.³

8. Solve a problem.

No words to percolate? Let’s solve a problem! (We all have some of those.) Spend time untangling the roots, considering the causes, and turning over possible solutions. Without constant stimuli or easy distractions, it’s more likely you’ll land on a helpful path forward.

9. Look around and notice.

Read posters on the wall (you might learn something!). Imagine the lives of the people sitting around you (you might grow in empathy!). Let your gaze drift around your living room, falling on each familiar object in turn (you almost certainly will feel gratitude!). The world is a wild and beautiful and terribly unique place — even its most ordinary corners.

As Mary Oliver said, pay attention. Be astonished.

A poor life this if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

—W.H. Davies

10. Rest your eyes.

Growing up, my Dad was infamous for “resting his eyes” — according to him, a respite for his dry eyes, but to my sisters and I, synonymous with a full-on nap. Joke’s on me, because here I am recommending his practice many years later :)

Simply taking a moment to rest might be the most subversive item on this list, and also the most restorative. Combine it with a few simple breathing exercises, if you’d like: take three slow, deep breaths, in through your nose for five counts and out through your mouth for five counts. This combination is a simple, welcome reminder to your body that you’re not in danger, no matter how many to-do’s are on your plate or how loud your toddler is screeching.

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It is normal and reasonable to avoid boredom, and humans have attempted to do it for all of time. Our current methods of avoidance, though, are hurting our ability to concentrate, to grow in patience, to deepen in empathy, and to find joy in the ordinary moments of our days and with our children — which, after all, are most of life. Christine Rosen one more time: “Though the experience of boredom is deeply human, what we reach for when we experience it is socially structured, unique to our moment in time. The worry beads and cigarettes of previous eras have given way to smartphones. Ours is a less carcinogenic but more commodified distraction, with long-term impacts which we’re only beginning to fathom.”

A challenge to end, the same one Christine recommends in her excellent piece for

After Babel

that I’ve quoted throughout: for one day, don’t pick up your smartphone during in-between moments. Instead, let your mind wander. Anticipate. Revisit. Recite. Breathe. And maybe, just maybe, feel a little more human.

I’d love to hear: are any of these ideas ones you’ve put in your pocket? Would you take this challenge? Hop on over and let me know in the comments. xo

P.S. Want to add this list as a reminder on your phone’s lock screen or wallpaper? I made a graphic for you!

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1. I love filling a lull with a good book, but today I wanted to focus on ideas that could be done anywhere, anytime, with no supplies or prep in advance needed! There are also, I would argue, leisure ways to fill time on a phone that have more value, like Duolingo or Wordle or reading long-form writing — but again, I wanted to focus on phone-free activities today.

2. The full practice includes praying through five steps. They are: becoming aware of God's presence throughout the day, reviewing the day with gratitude, paying attention to emotions experienced throughout the day and what God might be illuminating through them, praying through a particular moment of the day, and looking ahead to tomorrow.

3. One note: I do recommend capturing the ideas you generate in some way! When I’m on the go I often do this in my Notes app, which of course is a screen, but a small tucked-away notebook is an excellent choice, as well.