21 views of the village

A feast of friendly inspiration

May 01, 2025

I have loved exploring the idea of the village with you all over the past few weeks! Together, we’ve drawn out the connection between a thriving, real-world village and a thriving, low-tech family life: when we’re able to care and be cared for by the people around us, we become stronger, calmer, more resilient, more joyful. Better parents, ones who can pass on a posture of generosity and reciprocity to our children (no social media or apps required).

Today, I wanted to offer a few of the stories you’ve shared with me about what the village looks like in your lives (and there are a few more tucked in from me, too :)). I hope you take them and make them your own. Most of all, though, I hope you’re reminded of the kindness and goodness already humming along in the world as you read — that was certainly the case for me.

ON FOOD:

“Now that I’m an empty nester, I’ve started volunteering with an organization called Lasagna Love. Like a Meal Train, the idea is to “provide relief, hope, and connection through the simple yet profound gesture of a warm meal.” While I’m always happy to help out with a meal for a friend recovering from surgery or a friend’s child’s new baby, I like that Lasagna Love is a resource for people in my community who might not have anyone to organize a meal train for them.” — Linda

“A few years ago, my neighborhood friend Katie and I set up a once-a-week meal swap: every other week, one of us would double a recipe and deliver half to the other’s front door. It was a bit nerve-wracking (what if the recipe doesn’t turn out, or they don’t like it?!) but week in and week out, even more than the thrill of not cooking, I felt such a warm glow of connection.” — Emily

“I recently approached a mom I just can’t ever seem to connect with in conversation and offered to bring a meal since they just had a new baby. I felt SO awkward, and was really worried about getting it done with working full time, but it was so well received and hopefully helpful to their family.” — Jessica

“One recent Sunday, inspired by Naptime Kitchen, I invited two neighbors with similar family size and eating vibes as ours over. We each picked a recipe or two and then we tripled it and batch cooked together. We hung out for a couple of hours and each left with four meals to stick in our freezer or eat this week. I did a big meat purchase from Costco and we otherwise brought our own ingredients. It was easy and fun, and my freezer is full. Highly recommend, will repeat!” — Bethany

“Over the last decade or so I have organized more than 30 meal trains for friends. The organizing lift is so easy1, and the high of facilitating the gift of meals (and helping someone feel seen) is so great that I now practically offer to set one up for random pregnant women I meet on the street.” — Emily

“A few years ago my family welcomed a three year old boy in our home for a long term foster care placement. One of the first times I left home in the first month after he arrived was to attend Articles Club with some of my favorite friends (Emily being one of them!). I couldn’t stay long, but when I was about to leave, they presented me with a cooler full of food. I don’t remember if I started crying right there or maybe on the way home, but it was the most thoughtful gift and I felt so seen and loved.

A few people early on had asked me to start a meal train, but the thought of putting together meal preferences and coordinating drop offs was so overwhelming, especially when we already had social workers and therapists dropping by constantly and evenings were the hardest time of the day. A cooler full of frozen foods, plus pantry stables like pasta and spaghetti sauce, helped make meal times so much easier. I also loved knowing it wasn’t a great burden for my friends: they all added just a few things extra to their cart that week to add to the pile that together made a huge feast. It was such a simple yet meaningful example of my village showing up that I will never forget.” — Ginna

ON PRACTICAL HELP:

“I have two friends where we, without question, help each other set up our kids’ birthday parties. Parties happen once a year per kid, but as more kids get added to the mix it is happening more often! My preschool-aged daughter and I have spent a lot of time blowing up balloons or picking up Publix catering :) It’s great for the moms because the kids are entertained during the lead up to the party, when excitement levels can bubble over to chaos, and also, I hope that it shows my daughter that these kind of events — while they may seem magical at the time — take a lot of effort to make happen.” — Chelsey

“We have a rotating schedule of carpool to dance class with a friend in the neighborhood. Though it's just a short car ride together, the kids look forward to it every week.” — Allison

“I’m a pastor’s wife with three young boys. A few years ago, the sweetest older woman at our church offered to do our ironing each week. At first accepting felt awkward, but she was so gracious and put me at ease about it. Now we exchange wrinkled shirts for fresh ones each Sunday. More than the ironing, it continues to mean so much to me that she’s willing to care for our family in this way!” — Lauren

“When some unexpected changes at our preschool left us needing to rethink childcare on short notice, a handful of quick conversations at drop-off and on the playground evolved into a bigger idea: a short-term homeschool co-op, rotating homes and work schedules to care for a small group of kids each day.

Now, six families are weaving this plan together—three opening their homes, two providing snacks, one gathering supplies, a grandmother coming to read aloud each week, and a beloved former teacher lending her steady care. Admittedly, getting everything set has been a LOT of work and has had its stressful moments, but I feel so lucky to be part of a village that’s risen to the occasion.” — Bethany

“We moved to a new state with no family or friends 2.5 years ago. I will never forget being nine months pregnant with my second child when a kind older lady from church gave me her phone number and told me to call her at any hour of the night if I went into labor so that she could come stay with our firstborn. She knew we didn’t have a village and she selflessly stepped up.” — Lindsay

ON RHYTHMS OF CONNECTION:

“We coordinated with friends who live 30 minutes away for our daughters to play soccer at a location halfway between us. Games are over by 8:45am and typically no one has weekend plans until after lunch, so after soccer wraps up we go to a coffee shop with a big field so the adults can drink coffee while the kids run around, or we go to one another’s house for the kids to play while the adults catch up. It has been such a delight and we look forward to it each week!” — Chelsey

“Once our preschool opened back up later in 2020, we were all starved for human connection but outside play felt safest. Our family and a few others would hang around after pick-up, letting the kids run around and blow off steam while the grown-ups chatted. Over the years, this evolved into what we called “Friend Friday:” an hour to play on the playground across the street from our preschool on (you guessed it) Friday. While I love that our kids got to play with their friends, what I loved even more was that the consistency of our hour of conversation each week brought me so much closer to these parents. While Friend Friday no longer exists in the same way, these moms are still who I put as my emergency contacts on forms.” — Emily

“We have been hanging out with a family from church on weekdays when our husbands are off work or home early. Our two kids are slightly younger than their four, but having all of them together is often easier than being home with just our family unit! Tomorrow we’re headed over and bringing our dinner; my husband will meet up after he gets off work.” — Sydni

“One of our family’s favorite monthly rhythms is ‘German Sundays.’ It started when fellow German/American friends from church invited us over for New Year’s Eve. There was another German/American family there and we all got along well and I suggested we meet monthly. Germans love to meet for coffee and cake on Sundays (that’s what we did with our grandparents a lot growing up!) and I’m happy to continue the tradition. I love the simplicity of it — just coffee, cake, and board games — and I love that the kids are exposed to other kids who speak German. It‘s nice not having to figure out life as expats alone.” — Kerstin

ON NEIGHBORS:

“I remember when I moved to our house 12 years ago on a cul-de-sac romantically envisioning a cozy tight community of neighbors. I was so discouraged the first three years that everyone just went in their garages and I still didn't know anyone! I realized if I wanted that community, I needed to create it. It has taken years, but I am happy to say that envisioned community has came to life. We have a group text between the ladies in the ‘hood and share life updates and yard supplies and recipes. We watch each others' kids when needed and are the first to offer items to each other that we are about to donate. We started a supper club that meets on a quarterly basis.

It came about very slowly, but there were probably four main things that really helped. First was just being outside a lot. Secondly was getting phone numbers. (This is where tech really shines! I have grown so much closer to my neighbors after creating a group text and connecting other neighbors together.) The third thing is dropping off treats. We have given away flowers that were multiplying in our backyard, an extra loaf of banana bread, and we always give out Christmas cookies. And finally, being vulnerable enough to ask for help. People want to feel needed!” — Ginna

“Our relationship with our next door neighbors has truly been one of the greatest blessings of my life. Our kids play together — mostly outside — all the time, and its very common for one of us to have the other person’s kid or kids in tow. It’s made me a more relaxed parent: you get used to not knowing where your child is every second of the day, but you have to strengthen that muscle.” — Kelly

“For the last five or so years our street has gathered for an egg hunt and afternoon potluck on Easter Sunday. I’ve always enjoyed it, but I was surprised to hear my kids rave about how it’s one of their favorite days of the year earlier this month. Thinking back to my own childhood, though, I think there’s something so comforting about playing outside with all your neighborhood friends for hours, and looking over to see your parents so at ease and unhurried, too. This yearly event is one of the ways our corner of the neighborhood connects, which makes us feel comfortable letting our kids run free the other 364 days.” — Emily

ON THE BIG MOMENTS:

“One way I care for my village is by mailing handwritten condolence notes when a loved one passes away. I think this is not as common in my generation (I’m 33), but I grew up watching my parents do this and hearing from my mom about how much receiving these notes meant to her when her mom passed away suddenly. If you’ve never written one before, this old Cup of Jo post helped me get started.” — Caroline

“Many of my friendships are not local. During the pandemic, I couldn’t visit new (or repeat!) mama friends out of town, so I started sending care packages mostly for the mama — trail mix, something sweet, my favorite socks, and something fun like a lip balm, candle, or one-line-a-day journal. Sometimes I sent it for when they arrived home from the hospital, but more often for when mom was returning to work, when things feel hard and she needs some more love and support.” — Emma

“Earlier this year my seventh grade granddaughter told me that she was dreading Valentine's Day at school. When I asked her to tell me more about it, she told me that the PTA sells cards at lunch for $1 the three weeks prior to Valentine's Day. For that dollar, a sucker and a note are delivered to children during homeroom on Valentine's Day. Some kids get a lot of suckers; many kids get none.

I called the school to talk to someone about it and was put in touch with the loveliest woman in the main office. I told her that I would like to buy a sucker for every child in the seventh grade. I made my own cards ("Happy Valentine's Day! You are important!"), added a heart sticker and wrote a check for $285 so that the PTA would get their money and no seventh grader would get left out.

Next year, I am negotiating with the principal to make my own cards and buy the suckers at Costco. For less than what I paid this year, I’ll be able to do the whole school. I won't be hurting the fundraiser, and hopefully there will be fewer hurt feelings. Middle school is a tough time. Why make it harder?” — Mary

If you’ve gotten to the end and are feeling a little wistful, a little wishful that your life held more stories like these ones, I’ll gently repeat the encouragement I offered at the beginning of this series:

If you are waiting for a cultural sea change that will make it easier to build a village that stands as a bulwark against technology’s horrors — to have the time and space to devote to others, and to receive from them in return — this is what I have to say: you are it. You can be the sea change, the shift, the healing. There is no time to lose: your family needs this now, not when you’ve hit a financial milestone or a project is complete or things feel a little more under control.
And the families around you need it, too, need someone willing to go first, to show them that it can be done, that it’s possible to rely on each other instead of mostly on technology. We hurt ourselves, our children, and the people around us when we freeze, scared to act. If we won’t do it, who will?

The Connected Family

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