On cooking dinner for my family
Doing small things with great love (and what does this have to do with tech?)
Thank you for such lively discussion on last week’s newsletter!
In the comments, I promised a follow-up with places where I’ve been happy to choose the technological solution; that will make its way to your inbox soon. I also promised a deep dive on why I’ve prioritized making dinner for my family most nights a week, and that’s what we’re going to tackle today.
And I do have reasons — a bunch of them! Because as compelling as the nutritional and financial benefits of a home-cooked meal can be, I don’t think they alone would be enough to make me, personally, go to the trouble of cooking dinner for my family each night. It takes time, it takes effort, it takes planning, it crowds out other activities. The act of getting dinner on the table can feel like a sacrifice.
But it also comes with rewards. I believe the practice of making dinner at home (let alone eating it together — that could be a whole other post!) has helped our family lay a low-tech foundation and helped both my kids and me to grow in character.
A few caveats here at the start:
First, as I mentioned before, we do not cook and eat at home seven nights a week, but we do cook and eat at home most nights a week. You don’t need to be legalistic about the number of meals to see the benefits I’ve noticed. (We love our Friday takeout tradition, and that adds something to our family’s culture and life together, too!)
I also love a kitchen shortcut or a simple meal as much as the next gal — this is not about culinary execution. One of my kids’ very favorite meals is jarred spaghetti sauce, noodles, and frozen meatballs.
Second, cooking dinner at home is not the only way to reap the benefits I’m going to highlight below. In family life, there are often as many paths to the same destination as there are families — that is to say, a lot. Almost nothing I share in this newsletter is a must-do. More often, I’m simply offering something that has worked for our family — and digging down into the roots of why that’s so — so that you can choose what you like and apply it to your unique family.
Finally, I hope it goes without saying, but either parent can be the one to do the cooking! In this season of life at our house it’s more often me, but anyone can take the lead in the kitchen.
When I first considered the reasons why I value cooking dinner, my mind went to my kids, and the benefits that accrue to them. At the top? That it gives them a sense of security.
This is likely not something they could articulate right now, but knowing that when five o’clock rolls around I’m going to be puttering in the kitchen gives them the freedom to move in and out of my orbit. They know I will be lightly preoccupied, but generally available in a predictable way (unlike, for example, if I were engrossed in a screen, where they might have no idea what I’m doing or how hard it will be to attract my attention). My time in the kitchen gives a rhythm to our days and to our household. I like to think of this as a concrete example of the “secure base” Jon Haidt talks about in The Anxious Generation.