Why we still read aloud to our third grader

It might be as much for me as it is for her.

Growing up, I have many memories of my parents reading to me — it’s one of the first things I think about when I think about my childhood. Miss Rumphius, the Frances books, Dr. Seuss, Robert McCloskey… there was an endless stream of picture books at my house and always a parent willing to read them.

But after I started reading chapter books, reading with my parents dropped off. Though I could be misremembering, I don’t have any memories of them reading chapter books aloud. (This is not a knock — I was perfectly content to read books on my own and had no sense I was missing out at the time!)

It was a surprise to me, then, when one of my favorite bloggers mentioned that her mom regularly read aloud to her and her siblings through high school. High school! Surprise doesn’t even seem like a strong enough word; shock might be better. For as much as I considered myself a champion of reading, it had truly never occurred to me that I might read aloud to my kids in older elementary school, middle school, and beyond.

I quickly warmed to the idea.

When June, our oldest, started kindergarten, she and I entered our chapter book read aloud era. And it was a hit: she was navigating a new school and had a new baby sister, and getting to stay up later than her siblings, cuddle in her bed, and read longer books that Mama seemed really into — well, she was into it, too.

A few years in, she’s still very into it. Though June is an advanced and voracious reader herself, her love for reading books together doesn’t seem to have slowed down. I hope it never does, and will keep going as long as she lets me. (We just added Shep to our crew when he started kindergarten, and he’s into it, too.)

While the only reasons I need to keep going are that 1) they love it and 2) I love it, I thought it could be helpful to pull together a few more reasons to read chapter books aloud if, like me, this idea is a bit foreign to you.

It brings the family together around a common experience.

Just like great movies and shows, the best books bring us into other worlds — and when we read aloud, we get to go together. We’re building a bank of shared knowledge that’s specific to our family, and the stories we witness and characters we meet knit us together. They give us something to talk about that’s bigger than ourselves and bigger than the small world of our daily routines. Gathered around the same story, we naturally connect what’s happening in our books with what’s happening in our lives… which then makes the books even more meaningful and memorable.

Sharing the reading experience is one more way of fighting back against the atomization of family life. Of course, there are beautiful things about reading and loving a book individually and then passing it onto your sibling with a hearty recommendation, but it’s equally beautiful to all have read the same thing in the first place.

It gets beautiful language into their brains.

Perhaps surprisingly, I am the last person you’d want to diagram a sentence or define a past participle. Instead, (almost) everything I know about sentence structure, cadence, and grammar comes not from high school English but from a lifetime of absorbing good writing in book after book after book.

If you consume enough beautiful and skilled writing, all that has been stored up in your brain and heart will eventually start to overflow into what you produce. And I want this for my children, because being able to communicate clearly, eloquently, and in a way that draws people in will be helpful no matter where life leads them.

So of course, I hope they read great books on their own. I beckon them in that direction. But even if they go on a less-than-stellar jag that lasts months, I know that they’ll still be getting fed the language, the descriptions, the complex sentence patterns, and the depth of insight that comes from a great book.

And because great books can be a little intimidating, listening instead of reading allows them to experience more than they might have on their own. I notice this a lot with older books: for example, we flew through and loved A Little Princess. It has incredibly complex vocabulary and syntax and might have been tough for June to stick with on her own, but in reading aloud, the characters, plot, and heart shine. Even my average read aloud skills give the antiquated language depth and life!

It helps us teach them things.

From the Holocaust to the Civil Rights era, poverty to other religious worldviews, reading aloud to my kids gives me the opportunity to discuss topics I want to help them understand. This starts with the books I choose, but extends to pausing to explain things and answer their questions. It includes helping them understand allusions and historical elements. And it’s always a chance to point them back to what we believe is good and right and true.

For kids who will certainly get much of their information from peers and the internet, the diverse topics books raise are a precious opportunity to speak into what they’re learning.

It grows our bond.

When we’re reading aloud, we’re together. By default, I’m attentive to them — undistracted and wholly engaged in an act of love. Even if we haven’t spent much time together that day, or the time we do have was marred by fights over practicing piano (just me?), snuggling up in bed and enjoying a shared favorite activity is healing and peaceful. It reminds us we’re on the same team as we root for the same character, worry about the same plot twist, and hope for the same victory. It’s a beautiful bookmark for our days and helps us end our time together on a positive, connected note.

I love it.

All of these reasons are great, but I wanted to circle back around to the first one I listed here at the end. As parents, the things we want to mark our family culture — the things we want to be a part of it long-term — should be things we love. If I didn’t love reading and love reading aloud to our kids, I likely would not make time for it each night. It would feel like a struggle to me and to them. Parenting (and life!) can be hard enough, so lean into what brings you joy. Your whole family will reap the benefits.

I’m so curious to hear: did your parents read chapter books aloud to you when you were growing up? Is it something you’d like to do with your own kids?

Next week: reviews of the books we’ve read together over the last few months!

P.S. This newsletter was in part inspired by this recent article in The Atlantic (gift link!), even though I never mentioned it in the final draft.

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